Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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