im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
