Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
