i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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