i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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