i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Holy shit dude........stairs
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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