We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
