is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize