Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
