does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
