Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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