He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
