Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize