it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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