WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
