I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
