you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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