Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
