You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
