i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize