I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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