It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
