Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
