I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize