She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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