I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
