mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
