dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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