Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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