When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
