Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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