how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
