Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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