I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Two words: nipple clamps
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