Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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