Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
