I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
