so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
