I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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