I must be too annoying 4 u.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
