Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
