M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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