i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
