I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
