Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
