I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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