You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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