i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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