this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
