Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
