i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
