these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
