guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
