My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize