Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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