I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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