I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's never too late to be topless.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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