My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i think my cat just said my name.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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