your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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