Sponge bath it is.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
