Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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