I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
