Pregnant stripper...not hot.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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