I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
