dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
