When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize