I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
