dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
