I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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