the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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