Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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