I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
