You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
