i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
