It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
